Transcript on 9-28-14:
Colonel Mustard: No, but are you sure everything is okay?
Me: You think it’s not?
Colonel Mustard: I’m just worried.
Colonel Mustard: Because I worry about you.
Colonel Mustard: Because I think of you as a friend, and that’s why I worry about you.
Me: I’m worried that you’re worried about me.
Colonel Mustard: Don’t worry about that. What’d I do?
Me: Okay, um
Colonel Mustard: Like I, your just one of the people that I wanna make sure is okay. I don’t wanna [Inaudible].
Me: Well last week was kind of an interesting conversation for that.
Colonel Mustard: Yes, I [Inaudible]. Today I [Inaudible]
Me: What’s up?
…Colonel Mustard shared personal information…
Me: Well you know what, are you in therapy yourself with that? Because to me it’s like a drug is one thing, but if you’re angry, there’s a why, not just; do you know what I mean?
Colonel Mustard: Well no, yeah, well I haven’t been in therapy for about 3 and ½ years because I lost my insurance, but um, I was in therapy before that and the therapist said, you know, you’re just, you’re not angry, your just, well and he brought me back to the old, you were programmed. This is what you do. You were taught. It was beat into you that everything you feel that isn’t anger, is weakness, and so you have to be angry, and he was trying to help me work through that. It was difficult for me.
Me: Did he use words like programmed?
Colonel Mustard: He used words like, well what did he say. He said, he used the word programmed. He was using the word taught a lot and um, conditioned.
Me: Yeah. But wait, when you started using the word programmed, when did you start? You know what I’m saying, because that comes from ritual abuse stuff. When did you start using the word programmed?
Colonel Mustard: I’ve always, at times though out my life I have used the word programmed, or designed. You know I, because that is what it would have felt like. I mean he beat it into me. That was his, he was trying to be strong he said. And so he would beat into me that we turn everything into anger because anger is power and anger heals you. And it gets that adrenalin going it makes you strong enough to destroy whatever it is.
Me: …that he wants you to.
Colonel Mustard: Well, that he wants me to, or that, that, you know, his thought was whatever is trying to hurt you, or whatever is confronting you, you can destroy it as long as you’re angry. But if you cry about things then you’re weak, and then. So you know it was really…
Me: So, taught. Well, and your right, you are talking program, but you know what I’m saying is that when you talk about survivors they use the word programmed. But they use the word programmed when they start talking about, because this was government programming.
Colonel Mustard: Well and that’s, the thing is. I don’t know how far back it goes, because my grandfather worked for the Department of Defense. So, for all I know they could’ve been working on my family for, both my grandparents. My grandpa and grandfather was in the infantry in the army and one worked in the Department of Defense working in the ship yards and you don’t know what they started or when or what they have been exposed to, but I know that both sides had issues.
Me: But the word, you know, do you feel like you got the word programmed just because it fits well with saying things like, you know, I was taught or trained? And so, you came up with that word, or do you feel like because, when I say government I mean that a lot of these people talk about actually being in laboratories. Were you ever in a laboratory, or…
Colonel Mustard: Other than my house, no.
Me: Just your house.
Colonel Mustard: For me, I think, honestly, that some stuff happened with my brother, when he was younger because the way he went about things was so meticulous.
Me: Like he was being trained.
Colonel Mustard: Like, almost like, it was like, put it this way. He was pushed to his limit and then back again. You know, almost like somebody was, he had a book on how to push someone to the limit to make them malleable enough to give them the stuff that they got. Because when he came back from the army the first time, you know, I mean there was a total difference that the uncontrolled part of him before he left was regulated. It was like somebody put margins on him and said, okay now we are only going to let it be inside this box. You know, but all of the things that he said and he did were still there. I mean, it was, it was like there was a mantra that someone gave him.
Me: Was he different when he came back.
Colonel Mustard: When he came back, when he came back he had been trained how to kill. You know, he had gone from just how to torture and how to hurt people and humiliate and really how to break someone’s psyche down. Then he got to the how to physically destroy, you know, beyond just causing pain, how you kill people, how you stun somebody long enough so you can kill them.
Me: And you know this because he talked about it, he told you, he trained you?
Colonel Mustard: He showed me some of it.
Me: He showed you. Demonstration, nice demonstration. [Laughter]
Colonel Mustard: Yeah, they call it, there was one take down. I can’t remember which country it was from.
Me: So he taught you like training you in martial arts or something.
Colonel Mustard: Yeah, some of the hand to hand stuff. He was always big on knives and stuff. That was something that he preferred to use to really hurt people. I think my brother, yeah, I mean cuz, because he beat the shit outta me when I was a kid. Then he went away to this group home program thing. He spent a lot of time in their quiet room, which is just a padded room. He was completely alone. When he came back from that, the way that he beat me was completely different.
Me: …he still did but…
Colonel Mustard: I mean that’s when it really went to a new level to where everything he, it was almost like they did things to them to take them down further, but not to rebuilt them as a better person. You know, because sometimes you’ve gotta.
Me: Do you think he was abused in that home? Is that what you’re thinking?
Colonel Mustard: I’m pretty sure he was. Not to mention that they wouldn’t, they wouldn’t give my parents any records. There was like drugs they were giving him. Because we would see him and he would not be coherent. And he would be like, they’ve given me medicine and we would go like, what medicine is he giving you? And they would be like, we aren’t giving him any medicine. He’s just acting.
Me: What um, home was this? Was it a government home, or what?
Colonel Mustard: It was a state mental group home, and ah,
Me: A state mental home?
Colonel Mustard: Well, not mental, I mean it was for kids; you know delinquents and you know, troubled teens, I mean at the same time that’s what the government looks for. You want someone who is already broken down and that sort of thing.
Me: Kay but you, when you became convinced it was government stuff is because of when you went into the army?
Colonel Mustard: Well when I went…
Me: Because last time you were like, they said, told you that you would come home and be called on to assassinate people.
Colonel Mustard: That’s what they told my brother. That’s what they told him.
Me: And you, or just him?
Colonel Mustard: No, what they told him. When I, okay, so when my brother took the ASBAB and was going to join the military, and then he took it a second time, and he was going to join the army. It was probably too exact. Or, he left for basic. The marines showed up and started looking for me, and telling me that because of my ASBAB score, which I never took, I had never taken, I could pick my job in the military. When I asked him what I scored on it, it happened to be the same score my brother scored on it.
Me: But their telling you about the score and you never took the test?
Colonel Mustard: I never took the test but they’re telling me that it’s my score, and that’s when I went something’s weird. It didn’t sit right. And then my brother came back cuz I was still in school, so when he came back he said, “don’t do it,” you know, “don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it.” And I’m like, but I have this test score and I was telling him about it and what they said, and he was like, “that’s the score I had the first time I took the test.” And I was like, it doesn’t feel right. So somehow, magically, his score was under my name. Which made me, you know when I thought, and looked back on it that made me think something was up. That they knew something. That they had a reason to assign that score to me and tell me that I didn’t even have to take the entrance exam.
Me: So what was it like for you in the military?
Colonel Mustard: Well, I never actually went.
Colonel Mustard: I was actually all ready to sign up and I was getting ready to sign on the dotted line and I didn’t do it.
Me: Are you glad you didn’t?
Colonel Mustard: Yes, and no. I would love to serve my country.
Me: But you felt like if you did you would be following your brother’s
Colonel Mustard: I, after what I saw I don’t envy my brother. I was concerned that whatever he had done to me that made me want to hurt people would come back out in force and I wouldn’t be able to stop myself. And I would come back like going into the war with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, then fighting and getting it more and then coming back, all I would know, I would just act upon violence.
Me: So you didn’t want to create that in yourself?
Colonel Mustard: Or take a chance of being evil. Because I already felt that I was evil, because I had done some messed up stuff.
Me: Yeah, you were talking about that last time. Let’s talk about the difference between, like you were saying that you beat that kid and part of it was like um, power, you know. You said you were in therapy and you were pretty much diagnosed a sociopath. Did they, do you feel like, what was the therapy like, and how did it change. Did that change? Would that be different today? Do you know what I’m saying? Okay, would you say um, a psychopath is born or created? And what was your therapy like and how did it, you know change you, or did it, you know what I mean?
Colonel Mustard: So I believe a sociopath, I believe people can be born with a predisposition for it, but it requires a trigger, so you may be born with a predisposition for it, but that abuse is what taught me how to turn off my conscience. Once my brother had it to where he could say, “Go hurt him,” I could disconnect that I was doing anything wrong.
Colonel Mustard: And I could do it, and I would enjoy it. And then when I got into therapy and I said there were things that I, you know, after I joined the church and I went on a mission and I came back, that’s when I started to feel like, you know that’s when I started to really look into why I felt that way. And then when I was dealing with my therapist and they were sitting there and they got me to control, they were, um, she was very much, “you acted out of the need to survive. So you were protecting yourself.” She was like, “and now as you’re older and you come to realize that physically now you can protect yourself, now you’re...”
Me: You have a choice.
Colonel Mustard: “Now that you have that choice, the child in you, what little innocence is left in you is trying to break out and so you’re trying to protect it, and so here is what you have to do, you have to make this choice that you’re not going to be this other person, and that was very helpful. She tried to walk me through it. She did a lot of um, I guess you can’t call it regression therapy. She would be like, “Okay, I’m going to have you close your eyes. Imagine yourself at X age or X, how old were you when X event that we talked about happened? I want you to imagine yourself and I want you to call that you out, and I want you to talk to him. I want you to explain to them that that stuff will never happen to you again, and now I can protect you physically. So, that’s, I spent a lot of, with my first therapist, that was what we did.
Me: So, you would say on some level the sociopath part of it is really self-defense from feeling helpless because you have been abused.
Colonel Mustard: …helpless, yeah. There are some things you see that you can’t un-see. And there are some things that have been done to you that you can’t undo. And if you are pushed far enough you can turn off, you can learn to turn off your conscience.
Me: Because you have to in order to do, to survive. If you’re going to have to kill somebody to survive than you do it.
Colonel Mustard: And the problem is that the reason you have a sociopath is because they turn it off to defend themselves, or they turn off their innocence and they forget how.
Me: They forget how to…
Colonel Mustard: They get beaten down so much that, that switch gets covered by a callous. And then no one, because they know how to act appropriate, no one can diagnose the callous, no one can see the issue, and then try to work back towards the switch. By the time they normally get diagnosed it’s already too late.
Me: What about like, well, it’s hard because you were family, you were born into it. You talk about your mother being not so fun, um, but was there a time like, before, like real young or something that you felt different? You know what I mean, like you can go back and say I remember and I felt, you know, I would have felt bad about some kid being beat to the curb? You know, I would have been horrified by it? Or, I don’t even know if that’s even a question that works.
Colonel Mustard: Probably, I’d probably have to be like three maybe?
Me: Three times you remember?
Colonel Mustard: No, no, I mean three years old.
Me: Oh, age three.
Colonel Mustard: Three years old before I can remember a time when…
Me: You felt like you wouldn’t have wanted to see something like that?
Colonel Mustard: Yeah, and the only time that I ever, I mean throughout most of my life the only time that I ever actually got upset or mad or violent was when my dad was upset.
Me: Your dad?
Colonel Mustard: Just when my dad was upset. He would be upset and angry and I would cry because I didn’t want to see him upset. I knew he was angry because he hurt. Because, one of my therapists, I always have this issue where I become like a sponge for other people’s emotions when they get upset and one of my therapists was telling me that ah, she’s like, children who come from, you know, who have this kind of stuff done to them almost develop an extra sensory perception for other people they pick up on and such, such small details that their eyes don’t even register, their ears don’t even register. But they have, they are so used to this parent that can just (snap), like that, and then be nuts. They remember such small details to survive. They have to, they have to know when they are going to feel that snap coming. So they get really used to trying to pick up on other people’s emotions, and so that’s always been a problem for me.
Me: Has it changed, since the therapy? Have you gotten…?
Colonel Mustard: I’m better at separating their feelings from mine, but I’m still not good at keeping me from feeling other people’s emotions.
Me: Now that’s interesting. Say that again.
Colonel Mustard: I can separate their feelings from mine, but I’m not good at keeping me from feeling their feelings in the first place.
Me: Oh, their feelings. I thought you said my feelings.
Colonel Mustard: So if somebody gets pissed, I feel it and then I have to sort it out and separated my, whatever anger triggers me from their anger and then go, okay my anger shouldn’t be there. I mean it’s not mine.
Me: It’s not your anger?
Colonel Mustard: So I’m good at separating now. I used to not be able to do that, at all. I mean someone could be so upset and I would be…
Me: Well, you’re using anger, but that’s interesting because what you’re describing it’s almost like your feeling empathetic with them, but do you feel empathetic about other emotions, like if somebody’s really sad?
Colonel Mustard: I get angry. I feel sad at first, and then sadness becomes anger.
Me: Because you’re not allowed to feel sad.
Colonel Mustard: My kids cry and the first words that I want to say out of my mouth is,
Me: Don’t cry.
Colonel Mustard: Get pissed. Be mad. Hit something. Just like my brother did to me.
Me: Like there’s no, like there isn’t a strength in being able to recognize that you’re just, your human, you know?
Colonel Mustard: And I never thought that I, you know, I love my wife when I met her, and there was a very, it was an awesome feeling I never had before, but it was nothing like when my children were born.
Me: When your children what? …were born.
Colonel Mustard: When my children were born, when my children came into this world, I went to a whole new level of, it’s okay to love somebody. My kids were probably the best thing that ever happened to me. Because they’ve gotten me to a point where I can allow myself to really truly love them, and….
Me: Feel safe about loving.
Colonel Mustard: Yeah.
Me: Well, and you know, in some ways it makes sense because um, you know, normally you grow up and you learn to love by loving your parents, and they love you, and if it’s not safe to love your parents because they’re not safe, you know. And you, was there ever anybody else that could be a parent to you that was kind and good to you, and protective the way a parent should be? Did you ever experience that?
Colonel Mustard: Yeah, my best friends parents. I lived with them for a while, and then my foster mom, and even to this day she is still.
…Some of Colonel Mustard’s personal life story…
Colonel Mustard: Yeah, but I always ah, the one saving grace that would say that I’m not a sociopath, when one of my friends whose therapist said he would never treat me, he pointed out, and he looked at me and he said, “You know you’re not a sociopath, because you asked yourself if you are a sociopath.”
Me: I thought you said you were diagnosed a sociopath.
Colonel Mustard: I was diagnosed, I scored second highest. Like when they did all the tests for me, I scored highest as a borderline personality. And the second highest score was for sociopath.
Me: I guess then, it would be interesting to know, because they say that sociopaths can’t change but, then, can they? And like I was saying before, like why, why are these behaviors there actually? You know, like you were saying, if you were abused and you have to shut off any emotion and then all you feel is anger and then you kick somebody’s butt and then, you know?
Colonel Mustard: You get that power feeling, and then all of a sudden you don’t want to feel anything but that power.
Me: But then, it’s like so your capable of being a sociopath, is that different than being one. Are you able, it sounds like you are perfectly able to feel love and compassion, yes?
Colonel Mustard: I am now. There was a long time I wasn’t, but it took some pretty life changing experiences to make it happen, you know but, at the same time I still feel like if I need to I could flip the coin over and I could be that other person.
Me: What do you think would flip the coin?
Colonel Mustard: I have no idea.
Me: Well, when you came last week you were saying, like, that your brother, if your brother calls and he just says a word or a sentence he can set you off.
Colonel Mustard: He gets me started on that path of just anger and hostility. I just don’t know how far it would take.
Me: Do you feel like he has enough control with the things that he says and does that he can cont…
Colonel Mustard: Not anymore because now I know that, I know what he did, and I know, I’m starting to recognize when I need to get the training out of my head.
Me: But you said, like if he could call you and he would say something, and you wouldn’t even know why, and you would be enraged for a week.
Colonel Mustard: Right, I would get really pissed off, but now that I’ve, as I’ve learned to separate my emotions from other people’s emotions, I can’t tell you what the word he said was, but when all of a sudden I’m angry and I can’t figure out why.
Me: You just know it’s tied to him.
Colonel Mustard: I can hold onto my logic long enough, once I get that connection that I starting to feel angry about the time I talked to him, then it’s easier for me to start to dissipate it, but I have to be able to connect it to that moment. So I guess if it was an intense enough situation, and if it was probably face to face instead of over the phone, probably could turn me on, and tell me what to do. He could probably flip the switch and say do what I say and I would probably do it.
Me: Well do you think that it’s a good idea to continue seeing him and relating to him and talking to him and having communication with him at all? Because…
Colonel Mustard: I talk to him over the phone, and we keep it brief.
Me: Because you know, they talk about being able to trigger somebody with these words and phrases.
Colonel Mustard: But I can’t, I…
Me: But you can’t not talk to him.
Colonel Mustard: Yeah, if I don’t talk, if I refuse to talk to him I lose out on his children, and knowing how they are, and seeing how they’re developing and making sure that he is not doing the things he did to me, to them.
Me: Well, can you even stop that?
Colonel Mustard: Yes, I can.
Me: Is he still living with them?
Colonel Mustard: Yes, they live with him. They’re all his children.
Me: Then there is nothing you can do if he’s going to be abusive.
Colonel Mustard: Oh, no, no, no, no, that would probably be what would flip the coin. If someone was to do something to one of my children. If I was to find out that my brother was…
Me: Well, if those are his children he can…
Colonel Mustard: If I was to find out that my brother were to do that to his kids.
Me: How do you know he’s not, is what I’m saying. He’s living with them. You’re not.
Colonel Mustard: That’s why I reach out to him, so that I can talk to them, and try to have a relationship with them. If I start seeing traits that I remember having to go through, and I start to, you know, hear similar language and get that vibe of….
Me: Is your brother trying to change, do you think?
Colonel Mustard: He tries to stay drunk and high, pretty much. So, yeah.
Me: So his kids are not having a real happy life anyway.
Colonel Mustard: No, no, in fact his son said, “Dad, I’m never going to move out because I need to take care of you, and his son is twelve. That was the condition for my forgiving him for what he did to me. There was an understanding that if he did anything to the kids and that, then I would kill him. And I can say that in all honesty. I have no doubt that I would.
Me: So, you don’t necessarily feel like you have a relationship with your brother you necessarily want to keep, you just are reduced to it for a relationship with his kids.
Colonel Mustard: Yes, and it’s a, I guess it’s a somewhat a matter of respect, for my brother, because yes it was horrible what he did to me but it made me survive.
Me: You would have anyway. You would have found different ways, and there is a different kind of strength with knowing that you can hurt someone and being able to have the choice to, or not to.
Colonel Mustard: It’s true, it’s true, but he taught me how. He taught me how to become [Inaudible], and it saved me more than once.
Me: Except for, did it save you, or did it put you in danger?
Colonel Mustard: Well, a lot of times when I would be in a situation where there was a fight eminent and I didn’t think I could win, letting me be crazy, letting that part of me come out, made them think that maybe they couldn’t win. There’s four of them, there’s one of me, and then all of a sudden they see me try to make myself bleed so then, I can whip out my knife and start cutting on me and I’m going, “Let’s do this,” you know and I’m getting all psyched up. That freaks them out, and you see a weakness, and once you have that you have them. Like, I remember one kid, he punched me in the face and I was bleeding and I just kept gathering blood in my mouth, and he kept beating on me, and I just looked up and spit in his face, and he like started freaking out, and so I tackled him and started bleeding all over him, I’m just Ahhh, and yeah, I just start licking my own blood off his face. I mean I was…
Me: You figure that if you get freaky then they, then…
Colonel Mustard: Nobody wants to go there because they’re afraid, what will he do next?
Me: But what started the fights in the first place, do you know what I’m saying?
Colonel Mustard: Most of the time it was just me telling people what I really thought of them.
…Some of Colonel Mustard’s personal story…
Me: Yeah, two different people.
Colonel Mustard: Yeah, I was like Dr. Jackal and Mr. Jackass.
Me: Let’s say what you were doing was taking out your rage at your brother, where it felt safer to you. You pick on someone smaller because, “I can’t beat my brother.”
Colonel Mustard: Well, everybody wants to win.
…More of Colonel Mustard’s personal story…
Me: Well, no, but I mean, you know, because like some of the things I see while I’m sitting here talking to you right now, well obviously it’s like not having empathy, and you’re like, you would feel bad about hurting somebody else, and so you would cut yourself? That’s not, not having empathy. Although, but you’ve also said that you could shut it off. So, there is a part of you that is a sociopath.
Colonel Mustard: It’s the, probably 14 to 17 year old survivalist. The one that said, I will do whatever. I will not be destroyed. I will not be destroyed. No one will hurt me. You know, that’s who I think I really am, because that was when I was at my worst, from 14 to 17 I destroyed….
Me: So really, if your brother were to trigger you it may simply be bringing back that part of you.
Colonel Mustard: Yeah, it would be like opening up a video file and just reacting [Inaudible], and that’s, it’s, it’s weird, but I feel like parts of me could compartmentalize, just like that. It’s like icons and someone could just reach in, the right person could just reach in and go click, click and I go whah, it comes right back. And I’m wondering if there’s maybe some way I have tried to block things out, and forget them, and try to store them and deal with them for later, you know? I’m wondering if it’s almost like I became my own worst enemy, and I try to compartmentalize parts of my life.
Me: Well, that’s what, when they talk about multiples, they have compartments where they keep these different things, and like you’re saying, like, when I was 14 I was a part. But it sounds like you would be conscious of all of this. So basically it’s different aspects of yourself.
Colonel Mustard: I mean like, I’ve had people say, when like when I was in acting school, I used to take this acting class with my buddies, there was a scene that sparked that younger, that 14 to 17 year old kid in me. And the people there said that my face didn’t look the same. I didn’t look like me.
Me: Do you remember doing it?
Colonel Mustard: I don’t remember being it, but remember the feeling afterwards, the drain afterwards.
Me: Do you remember doing the performance?
Colonel Mustard: No, no I don’t remember the performance, but I remember afterwards thinking whoa, what just happened, because it was like the next day that I shut off. And I remember uh, in my EMT class. That was the most control I was able to do, was to call back on that. I wanted to hurt people, in a patient restraining class, because I want to be the crazy person.
Me: So what you really know about that 14 to 17 year old inside of you, is what other people have said?
Colonel Mustard: Well, when he presents as [Inaudible]. I remember when I was 14 to 17, but I don’t remember when he’s active. I just remember he was. Like when I wake up and I’ve got a knife in my bed and my gun’s next to me, you know, all loaded and ready to go, I know that at some point during the night a different aspect of me got up and then it’s, what aspect, and why. The first thing I do if I wake up and my gun’s next to me, is I check to make sure that it’s full. I gotta make sure I have all my …
Me: …that you didn’t lose a bullet.
Colonel Mustard: Yeah, I know that if I have less than nine rounds I know that something is wrong. Then it’s go find the bullet.
Me: Have you ever had that happen before, where you’re missing a bullet?
Colonel Mustard: No
Me: But you’re afraid that it might happen.
Colonel Mustard: It’s possible. Especially considering that I keep my gun in her room under a lock and key, and she doesn’t remember me going in her room, but I was there. I’ve actually been asleep and people were coming into my old house and I woke up, and you know, because I went to bed and it was about one o’clock in the morning and people were coming into my house. I woke up at the top of my stares with my rifle aimed at the front door, okay and I…
Me: And you don’t know how you got there.
Colonel Mustard: Nope, I had sweats on, and a T-shirt. I had my knife on one hip, and my gun on my other hip, my 9 millimeter, and then I had my 30 ought 6 pointed at the door, loaded. And I went…, and I got up, and I went back to bed. I was back in bed before anyone came into the house. They had no idea…
Me: There was somebody knocking at the door?
Colonel Mustard: No, they were just coming home.
Colonel Mustard: My wife and then uh, the kid who rented from us.
Me: Oh, so as they walk in, you see who they are, and you were like, kay, never mind.
Colonel Mustard: …but I was ready to just pull the trigger. I was, I mean, I remember saying, whatever comes through the door, fire.
Me: So you could have shot your own wife.
Colonel Mustard: Back then it would have actually hurt my feeling. No, just kidding.
Me: [Laughter] Yeah. I think some therapy would still be good. Get in touch with that boy.
…Some discussion regarding therapy, insurance programs and finances…
Colonel Mustard: See, the way I feel, is if you were like, if people around here were like nervous to have me around them, then I would be worried. But, I’ve never had anybody say they were nervous around me.
Me: Well, you were talking about that at the south end how you were working really hard to make sure that they didn’t like you so that you could come here. So does it really bother you if someone said they don’t want to be around you?
Colonel Mustard: If they don’t want to be around me that’s one thing, afraid of me, I don’t like that.
Me: Well? [Laughter]
Colonel Mustard: I would rather have them just say, I don’t like you. I think you’re just a crappy person. Awesome, I’ll be a crappy person, whatever, I don’t have to worry about them anymore.
Colonel Mustard: I tried to be a real hard ass down there. I tried to follow the rules. I didn’t want to take a chance. I wanted to be back here. Now I’m back here.
Me: And happy about it?
Colonel Mustard: I’m ecstatic.
Me: You did it intentionally to get back here, didn’t you?
Colonel Mustard: Some of it. Not all of it. The biggest issue I had down there was not an intentional with the thought of coming back here. It was really the intention of you don’t treat me and my guards, you don’t treat what we do here and make it look bad. A total disregard for safety. I’m not into that. But, some of the other people that I met, and I just was very abrupt with, I would say, that was strictly just because I didn’t like them. I mean some people can get on my nerves like nobody else.
Me: Yeah, so you’re just glad to be back.
Colonel Mustard: This is where I belong, so.
Me: Well good.
…Closing conversation regarding tasks at work…
Dear Colonel Mustard,
You may feel this is a confrontation, a throwing down of the gauntlet. I see it as an offering; an opportunity for you to choose. Once exposed to the light of day those tasked with evil are granted a choice. They have the opportunity to choose light, or scuttle back under a rock. I offer you mirrors. Will you choose, or turn away from, desire, greed, passion, ignorance, and fear? The last great challenge is self-reflection. If you fail, you will only have yourself to blame for having sacrificed peace for an illusion. If you find the way, you will pay this opportunity forward. I don’t hate you, but there is a war going on, and there is too much at stake to allow you to act on illusions, without exposing it.